no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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