I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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