Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
