Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
