i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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