my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
