Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
