you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
