Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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