i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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