How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This toilet bowl is my home.
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