as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize