There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
