btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so let's talk penis.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize