I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
