Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm like, not good at living.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize