Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
