did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
