just tell him i said nine months
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
do nipples grow back?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
