Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
