I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
