I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
