If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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