Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
