Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
sex in a hospital.. check
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
