I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
