Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
