i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
