Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
high people should be assigned attendants
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
