Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
