evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
