He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
