Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
