After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
