I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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