I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
