I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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