I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think I won the penis lottery.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
