If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize