Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
