She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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