a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
