Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
