you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
