happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
