Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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