don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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