I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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