We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize