this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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