Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
