Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
