i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
