My nipple is on Facebook.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
