girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
These tits shall not be calmed
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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