just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
