My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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