Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
pray to the hookup gods
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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