I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize