last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
