Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
