i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
