...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
